Importance of Closure in a Relationship

Finding Closure Within: Healing the Inner Wound

Have you ever wondered why closure in a relationship can feel so elusive? 

We often yearn for that sense of a definitive ending, a moment that allows us to tie up loose ends and move forward without the weight of what once was.. But the truth about closure is often more complex and in many cases, it isn't about the other person at all.

The key to real closure is healing the wound within ourselves enough that the other person no longer represents it.

Why External Closure Is Often Fleeting

When relationships end, there’s a natural urge to seek external closure. We might want a conversation, an apology or a detailed explanation from the other person to gain understanding or validation. We imagine that if we could just get that final talk or hear the perfect words, we'd feel settled and free.

However, seeking closure externally can often lead to disappointment. The other person may not be willing or able to provide the closure we need. They might not even understand the pain we are experiencing in the same way we do. When we place our hopes for peace in the hands of someone else, we lose control of our own emotional well-being. I’ve experienced this firsthand in the past. The reality is that true closure is an internal journey—a journey of understanding, acceptance and letting go.

The Inner Wound

To understand what holds us back from closure, we need to turn inward. Often, the pain we feel at the end of a relationship goes beyond the surface-level loss of that person. It touches something deeper—a core wound. This could be the fear of not being enough, the fear of abandonment or the feeling of being unworthy of love. Most of these wounds stem from childhood, and we may not even be conscious of them.

When a relationship ends, it often exposes these underlying wounds that were already within us, wounds that may have existed long before the relationship even began. We may project the entirety of this pain onto the other person, believing that if they could just change or if we could change the past, our wound would finally heal.

But closure isn't about fixing the past or changing another person's behaviour. It's about understanding why that wound exists and beginning the work to heal it.

Healing and Releasing the Person from the Wound

To achieve genuine closure, the key lies in healing the wound so deeply that the other person is no longer its symbol. This means acknowledging the emotional triggers that come up when we think of them or the relationship and being willing to sit with those emotions. It’s about looking at the hurt and asking, "What is this really about?"

• Is it about the feeling of rejection? 

• Is it about the need for approval? 

• Is it the fear of being alone? 

By identifying the root of our pain, we gain insight into what we need to work on within ourselves.

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. It requires time, self-compassion and often, guidance from others; whether that’s a trusted friend, therapist or coach. But as we do the inner work, something profound happens: the power that person once held over us starts to fade. They become less of a representation of our pain and more of a memory, an experience we learned from, but one that no longer defines us.

Steps to Find True Closure Within

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions Without Judgment
   It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, sad or confused. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without labelling them as good or bad. These feelings are part of your healing process.

2. Identify the Root Wound
   Ask yourself what the relationship ending has triggered within you. Is it about being unworthy? Fear of not being loved? Get curious about where the real pain lies.

3. Practice Self-Compassion
   Be gentle with yourself. You are human, and it’s natural to experience pain when relationships end. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend going through a similar situation.

4. Release the Need for Validation from the Other Person
   Understand that closure doesn’t come from what they say or do; it comes from the work you do within yourself. By releasing the need for their validation, you regain your power.

5. Create Your Own Narrative
   Reflect on what you’ve learned from the relationship—both the good and the bad. Craft a narrative that helps you grow, one that allows you to see this experience as part of your journey rather than a defining moment of loss.

6. Engage in Self-Healing Practices
   Meditation, journaling, therapy or energy healing can all be powerful tools to help you heal. Whatever resonates with you, make it part of your journey to self-discovery and closure.

The Liberation of True Closure

Closure that comes from within is liberating because it no longer depends on someone else. It doesn’t matter if the other person never apologises or if they don’t understand what they did. You understand your own emotions, you see your own growth and you have taken the power back into your hands.

When we heal deeply, we no longer view the other person as the keeper of our pain. They become a part of our story—a chapter that brought valuable lessons. True closure is about reclaiming yourself, growing from the experience and moving forward with clarity and an open heart.

Moving Forward

It’s important to recognise that closure is a journey, not a one-time event. It’s a path that involves growth, self-love and courage. You have the ability to heal, to find peace and to move forward on your own terms. The more we focus on healing our inner wounds, the less power the past has over us and the more space we create for joy, love and new beginnings.

It is important that we remind ourselves, closure is not about the other person giving us what we need. It’s about giving ourselves permission to heal, release and flourish. It’s about knowing that we are whole on our own and that our worth was never dependent on someone else's actions. This is where true freedom lies.

With Joy & Light

Bibi Flow